I wandered lonely as a clown.

Daybeak in the desert arrived with all its glorious mystery. My first thoughts turned to my beautiful pets Jasper and Argos. I only hoped that Mrs Fairweather, aka Scarlet O'Harlot was treating them well. I missed them terribly.

Then like the hammer of thor, the realisation hit me that I was alone, in the desert with a ecto plasmic wrong-cunt after my honest hole.

After wandering for some time, I made a choice to climb the vast cliff face upon which sat the Villa Feesh Fengre. Staying out in this heat would soon be the death of your razor jawed narrator. And so I climbed.

Fatigue coarsed through my muscles like a rapist. I felt the strain in my calves. My eyes were blinded by the falling crag dust from the hellish cliff.

Soon my hands grasped gorse and I pulled myself atop and let out a mighty breath and passed into ether.

The villa sat but forty yards from the cliff face. Its once proud white walls scarred yellow from the sand storms of yesteryear, much like the finger tips of a smoky nicotine fetish tramp.

I entered the villa, opening the door slowly like a metaphor.

Something rushed toward me at lightening speed brandishing a spade.

"DDD-D-DD---DD-DDIIIEEE YYY-Y-Y-YYYYOOOOOOUUU CC-C-C-CCCC-C-C--CCUUUNNNNNNN---NN-TTT-T-T-T"

"Stop Baptiste, it is I Bob Rambling. Your benefactor."

He stopped short of braining me like some demented Tit marsh. His off coloured eye glinted like a headlight in a fog. We were silent for some time like a simile sandwich.

"Spazmo has taken Connie and killed Francis."

Nothing. Like the quiet after a hour's bell ringing.

"Baptiste can you hear me you stuttery Frog eating rapist?"

"NN-N-N-NNN-N-N-N-N--N-N-Nyes"

"How can we get Spazmo?"

Nothing. Like the sun after a day's molestation.

"Answer me man. How do we summon Spazmo?"

"You d--dd-dd--ddo nnn-nn-not ssss--ummon ss-s-sp-p--pp-paz-z-z-zm-mm--o" He s-s-s-summons yy-y-y-y-ou."

"Yeah, go on cunt."

"T-T-T-hhh-ere ii-iis bbb-ut one ww-way to summon zz-z-ee ss-s-paz"

"Go on."

"Seance with the Sand Tribe of Smegma-porch."

"Who are the Sand Tribe of Smegma-Porch?"

Just then, like something incredible the door of the villa burst into pieces of wood and iron, like a door bursting into wood and iron. A Gang of four men stood in gowns and masks which t'were the shape of crows. When they spoke, they spoke as one, like four men speaking through a unity tongue.

"Who the fucking hell are you" I asked like a man keen to find out the identities of four intruders.

"WE ARE THE SAND TRIBE OF SMEGMA-PORCH. WE COME TO YOU IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED."

"Jesus!" I exclaimed like a man taking the Lord's name in vain despite not believing in the Lord Jesus Christ Almighty, our saviour.

"How did you find us?" I asked like a questioner in a foreign land.

"WE, THE SAND TRIBE OF SMEGMA-PORCH ARE SUMMONED ONLY AND ONLY BY THE MIGHTY USE OF SIMILE, METAPHOR AND FIGURINES OF SPEECH. YOU WHO ART BOB OF RAMBLING HAVE SUMMONED US TO DO YOUR BIDDING."

"Briliant. I need to conduct a seance to raise the devil Spazmo and rescue my dearest Connie."

"STEP FORTH BOB. COME WITH US INTO THE WILDERNESS. CAST ASIDE YOUR DOUBTS, YOUR FEARS, YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF PHYSICS AND THE STUTTERY GARLIC BALL SACK AND COME NOW WITH US."

A bright light shone, blinding Baptiste. I stepped out of the door into the light, like a man wandering into the liquid purification of sexual coitus.

06/09/06

Villa Feesh Fengre.