The sea around the Cτte d'Azur is filled with near naked revellers and under water aquatic whores.

Some get their kicks from a dinner of mussels and then a poke in the moonlight. Others miss out the fishy dinner and jump straight in to lock horns and fill orifi.

A young scamp has been swimming around the yacht this past hour urging yours truly to jump in and enjoy the water sports. I sit rigid on the deck, laptop at hand and a glass of strong stuff within reach.

I have spurned her advances thus far. Yet with Connie under covers below deck and mad Uncle Francis shooting at marlins with a 12 gauge, I am lonely.

She is swimming back again. The agony of choice...to leapt into crystal seas with a buxom 20-something harlot or continue this fine update long into the....(SPLASH)

20/08/06

St Tropez.